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sorry i’ve been gone so long but had to deal with a ton of personal shit but now i’m back. and seeing how it’s patriots day in boston let me share some of this holidays memories. when i first moved to boston i had no idea about patriots day and that it was a holiday due to the boston marathon. keggers on the street to watch the runners. fun fun. so the first year i was there i had to get to work and had to make my way to the d train and had to cut across cleveland circle so i got caught up on the ropes and stumbled on the course when i saw this runner coming right at me. seeing as a collision was immenent i just put my shoulder down and laid it into his chest. i thought i killed the guy as he lay there gasping for air after running 24 miles. i apolgized once he regained conciousness and headed off to work.i ‘ve never seen anyone in so much pain as that. this one might be worse. i filled a water bottle with vodka and handed it to a runner – once again at the 24 mile mark – and he downed it thinking it was water and man oh man did he go down once he chugged it. oh patriots day happy happy times

like i’d remember – i was 11 fer chrissakes. idiots

never really knew ya growing up unless i fucked up in which case i got to know ya real good – even today. but over the last few years i’ve gotten the chance to see you in a different light and you are the most standup take care of shit guy i’ve ever met. the way you take care of matt and keep a keen eye on him and me to a point (although if there’s shit i’ll be stirring it and won’t be sorry for doing it) umm thanx. thanx fer stepping up.and thanx for bringing me coke when my stomach was upset when i had to stay home from school which oddly enough was always the mets opening day. good thing nobody reads this but me. never say it just know it

yeah she is

when i have to raise a glass (this year it’s club soda) in rememberence of don stagnari aka don juan who was murdered/stabbed to death thanksgiving eve protecting our friends. started innocently enough – bunch of us drinking at the tip (tipperary) as it was thanksgiving eve of course and we went out front to smoke a joint and this car comes outta nowhere and runs jonny over and takes off. imeadiatly we were in pursuit but while we were rushing around garnering troops – don jumped in his car (by himself) and followed them. cornered them,confronted them, only to be stabbed over 60 times.he did manage to make it back to the camaro where he bled out and died alone because we were too late or he was too quick.if he had just took one of us as backup… doesn’t matter. two brothers were picked up for the killing later that night and were convicted and for there sake they better still be there. at the wake for don i spoke to his mom and let her know how sorry i was – he was my best friend after all and needed to be avenged so i came up with a plan. the two brothers who did the killing were in riverhead so i needed to get on the inside to get to them. so i grabbed a few bricks and threw them thru every business in the area and waited out front until i was arrested and subsequently shipped to riverhead where i knew i’d be in the same lockup and could kill the fucks who killed my best friend. didn’t work out as planned however – got one good brutal shot in until they moved him outta g-pop due to me. goddam it don – i miss you

so here’s an entirely unexpected revelation – barry manilow rules. the first time i met/saw him he was playing multiple nights at the wang center in boston. i was delivering cases of fine wine and champagne there so after making the delivery and waiting for the check and a signature on the invoice, i wander to the side of the stage to watch him do sound check which was copacabana. he finished up and walked off stage in my direction, stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me (keep in mind i had hair halfway to my ass, spiked leather jacket,spiked boots,spiked armbands – what?i was into spikes and leather then) so i stuck my hand out and said hey that was great. so he nervously shook my hand and we got to talking. now keep in mind it wasn’t barry in outlandish costume – just barry the piano player doing a soundcheck in jeans and t-shirt and he was incredibly laid back. i was thinking here i am this metal punk gonna goof on the manilow but during our conversation we’re talking music and he brings up slayer and black flag among others and it caught me totally off guard. so we talked for about 15 minutes and he was actually very cool and down to earth for, well, being barry manilow. was going to ask for an autograph but unless i’m using it to forge checks – i hate autographs. ego feeding signatures. anyhoo – about 2-3 years ago barry is playing the coliseum on valentines day no less so i spike my mohawk as high as all hell and go to the show. after the initial shock from his fans i end up spending the night dancing with ladies 40-70 years old. what a fucking blast and one of the funniest things i’ve ever seen/done. you go barry – you go now

another shout out to one of my favorite people on the planet. even better this one’s still alive. first met will when i first moved to boston in 86 or so. he was one of the newton punks or as i called them the coffee crew since they all hung out at the t stop either at/in/across from the coffee connection (now i want to do a muppet version of why are they so many songs about coffee – the coffee connection and me) and he was just starting up toxic narcotic with bill and kevin and pretty sure i didn’t miss too many gig s for like ten years. hell at bunrattys on a monday night, they played right after a dri/soia show and saw me show bloodied and worn and kicked into who can take a bottle/make it disappear/ any kind of bottle if its bourbon or a beer/ the martin man can oh the martin man can. my apartment in brighton burned to the ground december 7th (i remember the date cuz the hagler/hearns fight took place that night plus it’s wills birthday) so we moved into this house in soviet brookline on new years eve and threw a huge friggin’ bash. midnight hit – happy fucking year – will and i did shots and less than an hour later will and crew left the house to head home or somewhere. not sure how they would get there since no trains were running but i ran up to him and his friends who i didn’t know at the time and yelled at him ” you can’t leave now. you can’t leave me alone in this house of yuppie pricks – don’t leave me alone with these assholes. let’s punkfuck this house” so halfway down the block he turns around and brings everyone back and we destroy everything the rest of the night. but the way he was walking legs and arms flailing was like a spider – hence spider legs sullivan – but he made it and we rocked.killed every keg and champagne bottle in the house we did. we agreed that reign in blood is the fastest 28 minutes in music history. years go by – always tight. catching every show i can. even after i moved from boston to brooklyn and everywhere after if he was playin’ i was there either with toxic or mouth sewn shut – can’t pass on a chance to see him play as will is probably the best guitarist i’ve seen – and i’ve seen plenty. even not doing the punk thing but mandolin and all kindsa strings. incredible. fast forward he also threw me the greatest birthday party ever. hope and i drove to a housefull of people at his and amy’s place (his wife – who i’ll get to in a minute) we walk in say hi and i’m like shit – there’s alot of people here, i better get some cases out of the trunk when i’m informed it’s a birthday party for me. seems will,hope, and amy planned it all along but i’m too stupid to realize. but i was touched – nobody ever threw me a party before – no wonder i was dumbfounded, got better the next day when they played a show with my other friends the two man and mourningside opening up.the only reason i remember them is they played the phantasm music. never forget that weekend. anyways, after hope and i divorced (will’s sister for the uninformed) and i’ve had my own troubles we don’t talk or see as much of each other as i would like. i know he’s busy with stuff in boston with amy – who i think the world of, very,very talented girl (just see the cover art she’s done – even better see the art that’s not) who is a great balance when the world tilts and fierce protector. plus elle’s a great dog. i’m sure it’s mostly my fault we don’t talk so much cuz ya can’t understand me half the times when i try and i’m not entirely convinced they actually like me so much (hell whats to like?) but he’s been one of my closest friends for the last 25 years and if you happen to read this – yes i am going to bother you until i spit my last breath

pete who died earlier this year put it best so i give you his words. unjustifiable existence. well i’ve got no more reason to live and i’ve got no more love to give tonights the night ‘ll paint the town redi’ll put another hole through my head. unjustifiable existence – unjustifiable. now i feel the weight of the world on my back i’ve seen the future the future looks blackit’s what i must do have no reservations ain’t talking ’bout self preservation unjustifiable existence gravity crushing me, crushing me i feel something pulling me down forcing me between myself and the ground of all the nightmares that ever came true i think that gravity is you unjustifiable existence unjustifiable i’ve got a problem a problem with hate i can’t go on dragging this weight a cold steel hand that won’t let go acid fueled thoughts out of control i built myself a nice little cage with bars of anger and a lock of rage and i can’t help asking whose got the key when i know damned well it’s me unjustifiable existence unjustifiable i ain’t hinting for sympathy i’m used to dealing with apathy the scars on my wrist may seem like a crime just wish me better luck next time so what if i died a thousand deaths you think i’m insane but i have no regrets one more time won’t matter no question suicide is self expression. well put my friend well put now r.i.p.

all time classic here. headed down from boston to the nassau coliseum on long island to catch guns and roses with skid row opening. give me slack friends. not my favourite bands but thats where the pussy was. so nichole and me met up with my friend dave tweedy in the parking lot and went on in and managed to make it through skid row (to be honest – they were ok, not my style but put on a good show) and then came the wait for axl to get his shit together and fucking play you loser rock star. so to kill time while he pulled his head out of his ass they panned a camera through the crowd encouraging girls to flash their tits on the jumbotron or as i called it at the time – the bimbotron. the crowd is getting riled and cheering and hooting for every tit and nipple that made the screen and after an hour or more of this where i just wanna get the fuck outta there the camera starts heading to our section. so nichole asks if i mind if she flashes when the camera hits her so i’m like go for it (might have been a different story if i hadn’t seen them prior – otherwise i’d be a sucka) so here comes the camera – she does the t-shirt tug – will she or won’t she – crowds gettin’ restless – they want tits. TITS. she’s about to pull the shirt off, 22,000 people waiting to see them all of them cheering loudly it’s the moment of truth and suddenly i jump in and drop trou. instead of tits there’s my cock on the jumbotron (i must say it’s never looked bigger) and the cheers turned to ooouuuuchhh. they wanted to look away but they couldn’t. they couldn’t. 22,000 plus people had my john thompson thrown in their face. tweedy is sitting behind me laughing his ass off while my girl’s face turned a shade of red even hell hasn’t seen. needless to say they cut away pretty fast. not that fast as even the camera guy was stunned and didn’t know what to do. cut cut – wait he is already. top that show axl. one of the ultimate highlights of my life is shocking a stadium full of people with my dick and being booed by the entire crowd of 22 thou plus. your dick should be so lucky